Sexual Self-Anihilation

A Tale of Hot Girls on Motorbikes

I’ve mentioned the Nihilistic Abyss before.  Let’s take a stroll through some of her corridors, shall we?

(H/T Half Sigma)

Above is a picture drawn by New York shooter Jeffrey Johnson.  Let’s call her Action Girl.  Some of you see the woman above as a sexy Hollywood myth – exaggerated and mythical, perhaps, but in no way dangerous.  Others might see an Artifact of Feminism, a You-Go-Grrl! starlet, cast in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, leading around Shia Labeouf and protecting him from killer robots.  Just another aspersion against Masculinity…

But the reality goes a bit deeper; this is just the tip of the iceberg.

It’s not women and male feminists who go to see these movies in mass numbers, after all; it is not they who say to one another during the screening “Dude, she’s hot.” When you see Uma Thurman, all tits & ass, violently maiming men and women alike, or two ridiculous bimbos performing Bike Katas, it’s hard to imagine many Women’s Studies professors attending.  These characters are FUBU for the straight, male, Bro demographic, and that’s what’s so unsettling.  While the Governator might have portrayed a caricature of masculinity, these Action Girls are an archetype with a divide-by-zero error; demure and aggressive, waif-like and strong, dominant and feminine.

Nonsensical inversions lead to Insanity and Death.

This isn’t the case of a dyke in a flannel shirt, after all – she’s mathematically consistent (and probably a fun person to hang out with).  This is a case of masculinity sublimated; denied the opportunity for natural self-expression, men seek it out vicariously through women.  Heartiste tells us:

Men feel powerful lust from dominating attractive women, the same lust women feel from submitting to the domination of powerful men. But most men will never admit to this. Not because they agree with the myths of feminism, but because most will never be in a position to enjoy the sublime pleasures of dominance over women. A complete lack of acquaintance with dominating women, and a dearth of opportunity to do so, psychologically castrates weaker men until they embrace, at least in theory, the opposite of what they truly desire. The embrace of anti-desire, the dark matter of joylessness, offers respite from an otherwise unrelenting daily reminder of their sexual and romantic failure.

The movies are just the beginning.


Part of being a novelist – a good novelist, anyway (though the market has yet to vindicate my self-assessment) – part of it is having a deep empathy able enter the minds of others.  Sometimes this can be quite painful – just ask C.S. Lewis about The Screwtape Letters – and in this case it will be quite abhorrent.  I hope to give you a glimpse into this.

The Sexual Instinct is an interesting thing.  While any drive is subject to addiction, to self debasement, and to over-consumption, sexuality stands out as the most destructive.  Sigmund Freud tells us that Eros and Thanatos are but two sides of the same coin, the urge to procreate through the act of self annihilation.  La petite mort, as the French say.  A Demon called Desire.

The orgasm overwhelms, destroying the conscious self, the ultimate act of submission for both partners – dominance and submission being nothing more than roles within the dance, ultimately obedient in The Way.  During sex we give in to natural forces, become objectified to the Universe and to each other.  It becomes the pursuit of inevitability.  Sex vis-a-vis sex lacks the creative spark we see, for instance, when raw jungle is turned into civilization, or when the laws of the universe are violently stolen from inscrutable Mother Nature.  With nothing else at stake, sex becomes nothing more than the pursuit of death.

It is only through the union of the higher and lower – the intellectual connection of two conscious beings – that we manage to transcend bestial rutting and achieve the great self-expression of Making Love.

Such things are considered quaint and antiquated in our modern era.


Certain feminists have noted how pornography objectifies women.  It is their Sex Positive philosophies which led to modern rutting, of course, celebrating the sex of the tribal savage – the primitive being who is at the mercy of nature – but few of them have noted the effect it eventually has on men.

During the early phase the roles of Dominant and Submissive still hold sway, only now instead of a Patriarchal, loving husband, it’s a rake or a cad.  Eros rules for the time being, but Thanatos is fast on her heels.  Ten years ago I couldn’t help noticing how prevalent the cuckold fetish was in British pornography; today it’s becoming just as mainstream in the Hollywood version.

Time for a case study.  What follows is a specific couple, and to what depths the pursuit of pure hedonism brought them over a two-year period.


It starts with a cuckold fetish.  He enjoys seeing her wantonly taking on multiple strangers, presumably with a mix of ridicule from her.  They fuck like bunny rabbits the next day, recounting it to each other.

Next it turns into control.  Utterly unable to be the dominant (sublimating it into submissiveness) he enjoys orgasm denial and orgasm control.  Only there’s a razor edge of breakdown appearing.  While his wife acts the vicarious dominant, at her core is sense of disgust with him, sublimated into cruelty.  This isn’t a simple role-reversal, or mere lasciviousness – when a man controls a woman’s orgasm it’s out of love.  When a woman control’s a man’s, it’s out of hate.  He transmutes self-hatred, while she transmutes contempt.  They both pat themselves on the back for being “Open minded, with a great sex life!”, but things are about to get weirder than just drug-fuelled orgies in motel rooms.

Next comes the chastity devices.  He’s long been unable to achieve a full erection anyway, but locking his member in a plastic cage helps emphasize this; the only pleasure he is allowed is cleaning her out afterwards.  Their sex life devolves to her and her lovers hurling abuse at him, while he meekly watches and cheers her orgasms.

Next we see the annihilating self-loathing begin to manifest.  She declares that her pussy now opens for BBC exclusively (Big Black Cock).  She declares black men the Superior Race out of a twisted sort racism.  In fact, at her core she is a racist; she praises blacks not to celebrate them, but because of the perversion of celebrating that which she hates.  She opens her womb to them and openly talks of pregnancy, not because she things a mixed-child will be better, but because she thinks it will be worse.  The cuck husband, meanwhile, sings the same praises, and begins dressing in drag, preparing her lovers for her with oral ministrations.  He declares all white men contemptible, and sings odes to his wife’s sluttiness and the black man’s superiority.

Genocide is their new fetish.

At the last update, they are divorced and she’s moved in with one of her BBC lovers.  I’ll leave any speculations on relationship longevity and domestic violence to the reader.


This is just one example, but if you search about you can find many others.  Not just with racialism at its core, either – we’re talking about sex here, not racism.  For some it’s drugs-fuelled swinging.  For others it’s pain, blood, and needles.  I could name another acquaintance who quit the scene when it had devolved to nothing more than flogging and beating others, his erection a thing of the past.

The point is that all of this begins with obsession and inversion.  Destroy the naturally arising identity of self, and suicide can be the only result.  This is what Christians mean when they speak about ‘going against God’.

On some level, the free sexuality of our modern times is to be expected; it wasn’t feminists, after all, who invented birth control and antibiotics.  Previous methods of sexual control involved so much shaming that it destroyed some people’s sexuality (is it feminist to mention those old ladies, ubiquitous during the nineties, who’d never had an orgasm?) and the Internet’s free distribution of information would inevitably undermine such painful bonds.

But at the same time of slackening bondage, we’ve had an inversion of culture; feminists haven’t just attacked the bondage, they’ve also seen fit to attack the Truth about Men and Women.

I have no solutions this time around, but I do have some advice – do not fetishize the Action Girl.

You just might wind up on the wrong end of a movie theatre.






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Davis M.J. Aurini

Trained as a Historian at McMaster University, and as an Infantry soldier in the Canadian Forces, I'm a Scholar, Author, Film Maker, and a God fearing Catholic, who loves women for their illogical nature.

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6 Responses

  1. “The point is that all of this begins with obsession and inversion. Destroy the naturally arising identity of self, and suicide can be the only result. This is what Christians mean when they speak about ‘going against God’. ”

    You also become really angry too. When you find out that in order to find and cultivate a self who has his shit together, you’ve been going about it the wrong way, because you’ve been told “this is how it works” rather than how it actually does. Then, when you look for advice, it simply isn’t there.

  2. Examiner of Decay says:

    I think this very same process encapsulates why Andy Wachowski (whose movies are always loaded with “Action Girl” types) is now a woman. From outward appearances, the weird road to “Lana” Wachowski began when he started seeing a dominatrix, but I believe that episode was merely a waypoint on the road to psychosexual oblivion. I’m betting the trauma set in much earlier, when a young un-famous, awkward and and unattractive Andy Watchowski realized he is never going to get any attention from women, and slowly began to internalize that abject failure.

    After looking at the “Action Girl” paradigm in depth, I think its heavy and unrelenting promotion within the western world has resulted in an unprecedented number of men embracing deviant practices such as cuckolding, dominatrix-sissification, BDSM submissive, cross-dressing, autogynephilic transgenderism, etc.

    The common thread within all of these things is the progressive sublimation, subversion, inversion and destruction of the natural heterosexual male identity and drive. The end result is a disgusting and depraved man trying to extract a precious morsel what he perceives as dominance and strength (projected through the lens of female identity and form) for himself by joining with it.

    I believe these disorders are sparked by a traumatic event of some sort, where the subject bears some sort of severe injury to his conception of himself as a man, to the point where he starts actively deny that part of himself as a means of avoiding continued trauma. In other words, he starts burning the mental bridge to any normal male conception of self and desires. The you-go-grrl propaganda being broadcast 24/7 only serves to throw more fuel onto that fire, by demonstrating that the only way be honorable, intelligent, strong, confident, respected, and desired by women (traditional masculine qualities projected onto the Action Girl archetype) is to also be a woman, or at the very least capitulate in some important way to the feminine imperative.

    It seems to me that the majority of the men who are involved in the aforementioned deviant practices, had they developed in a healthy environment that was supportive of normal male identity and desire, would have gotten over their traumatic events and simply been straight, normal and happy.

    I was able to dig up some interesting articles on this sort of stuff:

    Take a look and let me know what you think.

    Ed: Is there a German word for “That’s a terrible tragedy, but I choose not to care”? That first story is horrible, just another shattered person from this dark walk through the minefield.

    The second link has some excellent information, I’m reading through it now. I was reading something about “Is Transexualism a mental illness” the other day, and it struck me – whether or not GID is real or not is besides the point. The real question is “What’s so wrong with their lifes that they’re willing to go through a destructive surgery to right it?” This clearly points towards deeper issues at play.

    For instance – let’s say you or I woke up tomorrow and we magically had a new body. Would you submit yourself to the surgeon’s knife, or would you learn to cope? For that matter, why aren’t they focussing on resolving the personal issues before engaging in the surgery?

    I find it interesting that the first writer mentioned dialectical materialism; yes, this fits the pattern…

    PS: Have you been commenting on Feminist blogs? They tend to hit the ‘spam’ button, blacklisting your email – it asked me for approval.

  3. Examiner of Decay says:

    “For instance – let’s say you or I woke up tomorrow and we magically had a new body. Would you submit yourself to the surgeon’s knife, or would you learn to cope? ”

    It depends on the body I got. I personally believe that there is some validity to the whole GID thing and if I were put into a chick’s body, I’d get the Chaz Bono surgery to become a dude again right away. If I were put into say, Michael Phelps’ body on the other hand, I would take full advantage of it and not change a damn thing.

    If you dig into the studies on GID, there is a controversial theory that there are two different types of tranny, one that has a sense of gender dysphoria occurring from the earliest stages in life, and the other with the dysphoria occurring sometime after the onset of puberty (referred to as autogynephilic).

    My guess is that the folks in the first group have a more legitimate claim to the condition (and likely the associated neurological structure needed to underpin that claim) and the folks in the second group, by and large, are psychologically damaged individuals like the guy in the first link.

    Given the damage the Action Girl idea has caused/exacerbated, I must say that your admonition to not “fetishize the Action Girl” is very sound advice.

    Concerning the email, that is a throwaway address I used for expediency. Lord only knows somebody else probably used it somewhere to tick somebody off. In addition, I don’t bother engaging feminists in argument on their own blogs, primarily because I think that would be a waste of energy to bother debating in an environment with an opponent notorious for (and equipped for -within that venue) silencing dissent.

  4. Ouroboros says:

    Hey Aurini! Check out this vid, it has some stuff that is related in it and I am curious as to what your take on it is:

  5. Mahoney (the keyboard warrior) says:

    As a porn addicted omega who has seen the unimaginable depths of depravity found in the femdom/cuckolding subculture, I’d like to express my profound gratitude for this insightful article. Everything you’ve said is spot on! You articulated it in a way I couldn’t, even though I’ve actually experienced it (only though porn though, I’d kill myself before practising this in real life). These men rearrange their entire worldview, morality and sense of self simply so that they can feel the flood of dopamine in their brain, they discard any semblance of dignity. In a word, animals. Some men have to face the choice of either having dignity and living a life as a permanent celibate, or transmute themselves into a demented freak in order to feel pleasure. A man should choose dignity no matter the cost. As somebody who has looked down into the abyss, its simply terrorfying to see how ubiquitious this fetish is on the internet. So many men become psychologically engulfed in this and then champion the denigration of men and promiscuity of women. It swallows them whole. Their perpetrators as well as victims. Their literally mentally ill, though modern psychology would probobly tell them otherwise.

    This is why I’m very glad to see the No Fap phenomenon emerging from the legions young Gen Y males formelly hooked on internet porn. Normally I’d peg you as being far to permissive and tolerant of non traditional sexual mores, but its nice to see that you have a healthy respect for social conservativism. I just can’t believe you actually know an associate with people who practiced this sick lifestyle!

  1. October 3, 2012

    […] told there), but for now let’s just bask in her hypocrisy.  I’m not allowed to judge certain fetishes as being unhealthy, but if I like a finger up my butt during a blowjob, that makes me less of a Man (what with Gender […]